The Enemies/Transcript
(Open on a very colorful planet. Zoom in to a closeup on Hater.) Hater: At last! (Establishing shot of a temple, he continues offscreen.) The Lost Temple of Tagathoria! (Cut to inside as Hater opens the doors.) Resting place of the light half of the all-powerful Sword of Synergy! Which, when combined— (walks into a spider web and yells and mutters) Which, when combined with my dark half, graciously lent to me by the warrior monks of Malakar... (pan down to reveal a hand clutching onto the sword making it obvious that Hater stole it. Hater tears the hand off of the sword.) ...will give me the power to conquer... (He zaps the sword and it opens a door.) the entire univer— (Zoom in to reveal the other half of the sword is missing.) Brad: Too late, Hate! ..er! The Sword of Synergy will soon be where it belongs: in the hands of a true hero! (Brad reaches behind his back revealing the other half of the sword.) Hater: Brad Starlight!? I should've known you'd show up with your stupid chin and your dumb cape! Brad: It's not dumb! It's hand-stitched! And my chin is perfect! (He shows off his chin and it gleams. Hater gasps at it.) (The two begin to charge at each other and sword fight.) Hater: You'll never defeat me, Starlight! You might as well give up now! Brad: Not as long as there's an ounce of strength left in my lithe, well-sculpted body. (admires himself in a mirror) Hey! (flexes) Hello. (Hater smashes the mirror and the fight resumes. Hater breaks off a piece of the temple revealing Wander hiding behind it sticking his tongue out.) '' 'Wander: Bradley! Hateley! Buddies! (Brad and Hater look at Wander.) What are you sillies doin' here? Hey, I'm playin' Hide and Seek with Sylvia. Y'all wanna play, too? Okay. Come and get me! (he zooms off) '''Brad and Hater: Wander? I can't believe he came here to stop me! (they look at each other) Whoa, whoa. Came here to stop you? (crossing their arms) Uh, yeah, he's my greatest enemy. Wander: Hey, guys, Hide and Seek, let's go! (Title card.) Brad: Wander ruined my wedding! If it wasn't for him, I'd be married to a super-pretty princess! Hater: So? Wander's ruined dozens of my plans, [[The Date|one of which also involved my wedding!]] Brad: Really? How? Hater: His dumb friend Sylvia was in disguise. Brad: (smiling) You mean his steed. (laughs) You almost married his horse! Hater: It was a very convincing disguise! Wander: (offscreen) Betcha can't find me! Hater: (growls) Want to put this whole sword thing on hold for a sec and go destroy him? Brad: So, you're offering me your services to help me in my quest to destroy Wander? Hater: (rolling his eyes) Yeah, sure, whatever. Brad: By Zargo, I'm in! (wields his half of the sword) To battle! (He prances out of the temple. Hater follows him grumpily.) (Cut to outside.) Hater: Here, follow me. Brad: Great idea. The scout goes first, the leader takes up the rear. Hater: (stops short) What? No, I'm the leader! That's why I'm in the front! Leading. (Hater and Brad growl at each other.) Brad: First one to find Wander is the leader! (Song: Hidin' and Seekin') Hidin' and seekin', Runnin' and peekin', Playin' with my friends And searchin' in indistinct And tree trunks and wedges Oh, the fun never ends. Climbin' rock creatures, And kickin' small creatures, 'Til I meet my end... Hidin' and seekin'... Wander: (offscreen) You're gettin' colder! Playin' with my friends. Wander: (offscreen) Colder! Colder! Aw, come on, you're practically livin' in an igloo! Oh! Warmer! Warmer! So warm! Boiling hot like a whole lot of lava! (The bush behind the two rustles.) Hidin' and seekin'! Wander: (offscreen) Aw, nope, cold again. Real frigid. Hater: Whoa, whoa, whoa, are we just playing Hide-and-Go-Seek right now? (Brad nods.) WE TOTALLY ARE!!! Just like he wanted! Ah, this always happens! I hate him so much!!! (Hater angrily tears the bush apart and pants.) Brad: No matter. I will devise a snare most devious and force our quarry to come to us. Hater: Hey, if we're doing traps, I'm totally the one in charge. I'm, like, the best at traps. Brad: Fine, set your own snare. We'll see who snares Wander first. It shall be me to snare him. I shall be the Snare Master! Hater: STOP SAYING SNARE!!! (They leave. Wander pops his head out of a log.) Wander: Man, those guys are not very good at this game. (making his hands like puppets) Now, Wander, that's not fair. They might compensate for their poor seeking skills by being spectacular hiders. You never know. Hater: (offscreen, falsetto) Help! Help me! Wander: Gasp! Someone is in need of help! I must be off! (He walks away, with the log still on him.) (Cut to Hater in drag tied to a tree.) Hater: (falsetto) I'm in the most horrible trouble! I need somebody to wander by and help me! Please! (a shadow is cast over him) Oh, thank goodness! A brave and noble do-gooder approaches— (normal voice as he holds a remote) —to fall right into my trap!! (he activates the remote and a cage falls from the sky. Hater walks up tot he cage but stops short.) BRAD?! Are you serious!? Brad: Fair maiden with skin of finest alabaster, it is I, Brad Starlight. I'm here to rescue you! Hater: Brad, it's me. Brad: Thank goodness I found you first. For roaming these woods is an ill-tempered skeleton man, as mean as he is ugly. (realizes) Oh, it's you. (examines Hater's disguise) That was your plan? Puh-lease, that would have never worked! Hater: It just worked on you! You totally thought I was a stupid fair maiden! Brad: A beautiful fair maiden! I mean, can we try my plan now? It's way better. Hater: Fine. Whatever. (Cut to reveal Brad also in drag tied to the same tree.) Hater: THIS IS THE EXACT SAME PLAN! Brad: It certainly is not! My high cheekbones make me a much more effective lure. Also, I'm a redhead. Hater: Grrr! Wander: Time out! I have been hidin' forever! Are we even playing Hide and Seek? (goes behind the bush and changes into drag) Or are we playin' some kind of dress-up game with each other? (beat) Hater: Got you! (snatches Wander) Wander: Well, technically you gotta let me hide again first. Hater: Leader! (blows a raspberry at Brad) (Cut to Hater running off with Wander and calling his phone.) Hater: Peepers, come get me! No, I don't have the sword, but I captured Wander! Long story. Ready to torture. (Hater gets punched by Brad, who takes Wander from him.) Brad: Not so fast, Hater! Only one of us shall have the duty, nay, privilege, nay, pleasure of destroying Wander! And that's me, Sir Brad Star— (Brad gets zapped by Hater, and Hater takes Wander, revs up like the Road Runner and laughs. Brad swings from a vine like Tarzan and takes Wander.) Brad: Ha! Snare! (WATCH OUT FOR THAT— BANG! Too late. Wander falls and gets caught by Hater, who runs laughing. He goes running into a large dragon-like creature. Out of the dragon's tail pops out Brad with Wander.) Brad: Ha ha! (Cut to Hater on a cliff rolling a boulder down. Brad stops short thinking that he missed it, but it falls on him and Hater takes Wander again.) Wander: (holding up a book titled "Hide & Seek Rules") Um, if either of y'all need a refresher on the rules of Hide and Seek— Hater: Quiet! (Brad zips by riding the dragon and takes Wander again. Hater flies in on a giant bird and grabs Wander for himself. Cut to Brad jumping onto a tree branch as he catapults himself to the bird.) Brad: He's mine! (By this point, Hater, Brad, and Wander are in space falling back down to the planet's surface.) Hater: I hate you so much! Brad: Stop it! (Hater falls to the ground, followed by Brad, followed by Wander, who uses his hat as a parachute. When Wander lands on them, Hater and Brad get into a Big Ball of Violence. Wander escapes the Ball.) Wander: Well, I'm gonna go hide again so Sylvia can find me. Y'all join in whenever you're ready. (He leaves.) Hater: I hate you! Brad: That's enough! Quit it! (Hater and Brad stop fighting and catch their breath and faint.) Brad and Hater: You let him get away!! Me? Yeah, you! (They resume the Big Ball of Violence.) If you'd just given me your half of the Sword of Synergy, I could have destroyed him! (They stop fighting holding up their halves of the Sword and look up. Cut to black. Wipe down on a split-screen of Hater and Brad laughing evilly.) (Cut to Sylvia who has her eyes shut and is counting.) Sylvia: Four million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-seven... Four million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-eight... Four million nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine... Five million! (yawns) Boy, I sure love these hide-and-seek sessions. Best idea I ever had. Wander gets a game, I get a nap, and everything works out just fine. (Some light emanating from the temple in the background proves her wrong, followed by a huge explosion.) Sylvia: Uh-oh. (Crossfade to the temple followed by a large hole where the explosion hit. Cut to a closeup on the Sword of Synergy. Pan down to Hater and Brad holding both of their halves together.) Brad and Hater: Yes! Hater: We have assembled the Sword of Synergy! (Lightning.) Brad: And together... Hater: ...each contributing equally... Brad: ...and taking exactly half the credit... Brad and Hater: ...we will use it to destroy Wander! Hater: Now, where is he? (Brad and Hater use the sword to laser beam the ground The laser cuts a tree to reveal Wander hiding behind it.) Brad: (offscreen) Aha! (Wander runs away but is caught in the sword's beam.) Brad and Hater: (maniacal laughter) Finally, my—I mean, our most hated enemy will be destroyed! Wander: Even though this may be the end, I'm just so happy the last thing I get to see is good and evil putting aside their differences to work together. Brad: Stop being so positive! Hater: Just ignore him. It's kinda his thing. Wander: I'm serious! Bra, it's so nice that you talked Hater over to the side of good. Hater: Say what now? Brad: Why, thank you, Wander! He is quite the scoundrel. Hater: (taking the sword) Hold on! If anything, I'' converted ''you to the side of evil! Brad: (taking the sword) Please! I demurred for the sake of compromise, but I am clearly the dominant force in this partnership! Hater: (taking the sword) Are you kiddin' me?! Look at him! He's a good guy! A helpful, friendly good guy that you're helping me destroy for the forces of evil! Brad: Nuh-uh! I'm the hero! And heroes fight bad guys, and kiss pretty ladies! Hater: Ugh! Working with you was a big mistake. Give me the sword! I'll destroy him myself! Brad: No! I'' want to do it! ''(They both fight over the sword.) Wander: Aw, even when you guys fight, it's clear you make a really good team. Brad and Hater: We do not! (Brad and Hater pull the sword towards them and it comes apart. Hater falls over backwards and screams as he sees his half break apart. Brad falls backwards and yelps as his half also breaks apart. Brad growls, then Hater growls and they end up in a rather childish hitting fight. Sylvia comes by and hugs Wander.) Sylvia: Wander! Are you okay, buddy? Wander: Sylvia, you found me! They're havin' a bit of a BFF tiff. Brad and Hater: We are not BFFs! Brad: No-Not my face! Sylvia: We should probably get goin'. Wander: Okey-doke. Also, it's your turn to hide. (They walk down the steps of the temple.) Hater: Ow! Watch the ribs! Brad: Stop it! Stop it! Hater: I hate you! Brad: I hate you more! Category:Transcripts